Are you a zombie? So many people are. They go through their day without thinking. They don't see the beauty around them, don't hear the words being said, don't feel the great & glorious joy that could be theirs. They go through the motions doing the things they always do because they always have.
When was the last time you literally couldn't breathe because you were overcome by awe? Or felt such overwhelming love for some one that you were just sure your heart would break from it? Have you ever felt connected to the incredible boundlessness of the entire universe? How about the last time you saw something from somebody else's point of view, not just in your head, but in your heart & soul? Do you really see the people in you life, as they really are, or are you seeing them through a filter you've defined them with?
No one can feel these things all the time; it would be too overwhelming. That's why children need naps, why they get frustrated & frightened & cranky. Because each moment is so bright, so filled with something new. Stimulus overloafd.
But as we grow older, those moments become rarer, life becomes everyday. Mundane. Unless we actively seek out the beauty & joy & love in life, we loose them.
I am becoming a zombie. My heart has grown callouses where it has been hurt. My soul is folding in on itself. Anger is replacing love; fear is replacing joy. Obsessive Compulsive behavior has become a poor replacement for passion. But I am aware, and that is the first step.
So here's the thing. For the next year, I'll be setting goals for myself. Each Sunday I'll set a new goal or set of goals. I'll give myself a certain amount of time to reach each one. I'll share my progress, and along the way I'll tell you some of the things that helped to contribute to who I am right now.
I'm overweight. Oh, not terribly. About 20-25 pounds. But it terrifies me. There is a history of diabetes on both sides of my family. A large number of my family members are very large people. And my eldest sister died at the age of 31 from a massive heart attack. She weighed over 500 pounds. Her death left 3 children motherless & a husband without a wife. These are the things of which real nightmares are made.
So, for my first goal, a relatively easy one. I am giving myself 6 weeks to loose 17 pounds. My scale said 157 pounds this morning, so my plan is to get down to 140, which puts me within 5 to 10 pounds of my ideal weight. Any less than 130 I have a tendency to bare a striking resemblance to a prepubescent anorexic boy.
Sunday goal #2
Slightly more difficult, as this one involves a small amount of cooperation from others. Get my house clean. I live with packrats, people who can't get rid of anything. Ever. So we live in clutter. I hate it. I hate clutter. I have some sort of genetic imparetive that requires me to get rid of things every 3-4 months. I need clean, uncluttered spaces for good mental health. It's time to let the garbage go. If we don't need it/use it, it goes. Alright, this one may be very very difficult. I will let this one run for 4 weeks.
Well, those are enough for now. It's a small start, but a start none the less.